Darrion in India

Silly Exercise?

How do I get rid of the self grasping mind? In Buddhism it is through the awakening of Buddha-nature, through the clarity of mind. This Buddha-nature is something inherent in all sentient Beings; it is fundamentally how we are in the world. Or at least i should add that the potential is there to awaken the Buddha-nature that permeates our Being and all sentient Beings. In some "sects" of Hinduism (the philosophy of Samkara more specifically) it is through the realization and actualization of the Self (Atman). Atman is how we fundamentally and Really are in the world. One must see through the illusory world to get at the true Self or Atman. THrough this realization of the true Self then one has clarity of mind through pure consciousness- whereby Atman, being awakened or realized, becomes Brahman. Or maybe not "becomes" but realizes or is aware of itself as Brahman. of course this is all a gross over simplification but it seems like these two diametrically opposed philosophies are in actuality doing the same thing for humanity. I relate here Buddha-nature and Brahman as Being-the-same, and non-self and Atman as Being-the-same... at least as far as the goal of enlightenment is concerned. One tradition attaining through descendence and negation of Self, the other through ascendence and affirmation of the Self. Maybe this has all been a silly exercise not tending to edification at all. horray!

Feirce Gazing

Reflecting on my trip has been an exercise in playful remembrance. When I look back on my experiences I find myself looking into the eyes of the people of India, as it was their eyes that struck me most. It was the thing that I noticed almost immediately about the smiling faces encountered, the staring that had a buzz to it, that spoke, that was divine, that called to me, that beckoned curiosity. Their eyes were not sheepish. I suppose it is rooted in centuries of religious/social/cultural heritage; a heritage that stresses vision or sight as divine activity… activity that is of the utmost importance in KNOWING anything about the world or the cosmos. From the moment I arrived in India the people would stare and would not stop staring until I left. At first I was struck with a bit of uneasiness; coming from my own cultural context, in which it is impolite- even downright rude- to intensely gaze at someone, I found it intimidating. It felt like everywhere I went and everything I did people were staring at me. Stopping what they were doing and gawking. Something totally unlike anything I had known before. Eventually, however, as time went on and as I became mindful of their gazes I found out there were things about them that were beautiful, and I became aware of their auspicious sight. I came to realize that there was no aggression or antagonism in their looking, though fierce all the while. And I found it to be pleasing, almost calming in a strange and new way, especially when I began to meet their gazes with my own eyes. Locked in this holy dance time and time again with so many people I found not once any hesitation in their eyes. No wavering or averting. It was something open and attentive. Deliberate and inquisitive. A quick smile and it was given back jovially. Understanding their gazing in a new light helped me to better acclimate myself to the experience of India- to see my experiences in their thusness as they arose and passed.

Kedarnath

a few words about Kedarnath that came to me just an hour ago.

Kedarnath

centuries walking
the up and down-
slanted time.
saddhus living, dying,
shitting beside holy river
starving without spirit.
Rocks holding gaudy flowers,
affluent women flash down
cobblestone and dirt path-
the weight, stagnating,
carried up by pack-men.
sweat-falling-down.
full brilliant chaotic noise-
just a glance. Darshan.
Hearts, eyes, bull hump turn'd stone.
behind them beckoning softness
blanket infinity-
soon they will sicken or die.
snowcapped peaks, mountain flowers,
horses, rocks, thick trees,
holy men, thicker smoke.
Centuries walking
the up and down-
slanted time.

My experiences at Kedarnath were some of the most poignient and stark of the whole experience of India. A part of the trip that I keep coming back to time and time again. i have come accross some other prose pieces and scribblings i wrote about Kedarnath that i would like to share...

14 km
of sweat and shit
and beggars and pilgrims-
commotion.
Holy was found in all.
Jai Kedar!
Bom Siva!
pilgrims embrace
we were all sentimentally
reflective.
Hailstorm coup
on last man walking
mountain
Cold. Hungry. Frost.
bull hump and hearts
hardened.
unprepared, unceratin
with
sickness creeping-
vomit and diarrhea.
Saddhu sinister
beligerant and aggressive.
i wanted to shave my head.
out of place in temple
at home in mountain bosom-
something wrong here-
too much baggage to see straight.
overhead rumblings
giant stridings
Himalaya-
Jai Kedar!
we walked through shit fields
to sit on your shoulders-
be soft on curves.
Chai chai chai!
cold feet and flute song
holy noise, noise, noise,
without
convention
without
american comforts
without
familiar sounds,
smells,
sights,
thoughts,
surroundings.
perfect teachings
found in
all.
perfect wisdom
taught by
mountain,
taught by
temple,
taught by
Atman,
witnessed by
blessed by
ordained by
God.
Jai Kedar!

How powerful and moving an experience. The commotion, the singing, shouting, smiling- all silly and beautiful and new and ludic. A true religious experience. To see all that was there, the people, the surroundings, the very make-up and execution of it all. a small glace- darshan. How magnificent and indescribebale. There were two things that came to me immediately- things that i am still trying to reconcile. On the one hand there is the part of me that was confused and startled, as it was a shokcing experience outside the realm of anything i had known. The pushing the shoving, the seemingly beligerant tones of the people both in robe and out, the privelidge of money for first row darshan. Of course after reflection i realized this reaction was simply a result of my own cultural baggage, my own presuppositions about religion and ceremony, my own causes and conditions going into the experience. The other part of me however was entranced- captured- caught up in the whirl and commotion of it all. So its funny that the very things that i felt hesitant or startled about were also those very things that enticed and excited me about the experience. The side of me that is coddled and known and comfortable and familiar and has its baggage- and the part of me that is thrilled and intruigued in the unknown, that thirsts for knowledge and those experiences that break down the very fabric of my conventional familiar experience. things that i continue to think about. things i am still searching their meaning, both within my scope, my world, and those without and have a general or "objective" significance. if that makes any sense. pray that it does and praise siva.

Maya

This will now be my third attempt at posting these thoughts, as the other attempts were thawrted by poor connections and crappy computers. I have just spent the past longest time writing, pouring my heart out about my days here, my struggles, triumphs, etc. and they have dissappered, lost in cyber space somewhere and gone forever. Needless to say i was quite peeved about this happenstance, as what i had written was pure-Being expressed. at least in mine eye. One thing that i can take away from this experience, other than intense frustration and windless sails, is how wonderful impermanence is! hail to thee impermanence, for thou hast made me see things in their radical flux and innumberable possibility. Anything can happen. Perhaps a new mantra should be used... i like it, i like it, i like it, its gone. well, now on to other matters. Such as a dream that i have been reflecting on that came to me while on the plane ride over here. It was short and fuzzy, but powerful and gripping. I feel that there lay some significance within. Two gods danced, hands holding and hips twisting- feirce gazing. Their eyes looked either at eachother or at me. Was this the auspicious sight of the gods, the beholding of the holy? An act of devotion-worship? What blessings have been bestowed? what message did they bring me? I suppose i shall never outright know the "answers" to these questions. perhaps it is just the asking that is important, or just that the dream was, and is. Thank you Ganesh; trunk-raised luck-bearer. Thank you Krishna; playful smiling wind, handsome.

The eye of Truth-
I have seen it.
there is sacred abounding
here and there-present.seen.witness.
beautiful, colorful, sensuous.
repugnant, dark, mysterious.
Manifest from One Brahman.
Beggars and kings
Kings and beggars.
the shit on my shoe is holy.
i have seen it.
Affirming-Life, Growth, Death.
Affirming with eyes open
wide and teary.
It is here; the world of sense
and image.
Mystical supranatural beholding.
Visionary experiencing
everyday.
Real.
I have seen it.

I will be sure to post more in the next day or so, but for now i am drained and in need of a dip into the Ganges. Hare Hare Krishna.

Mussoorie Madness

Today was indeed a most splendiferous day full of adventuring and exploration. We all headed down to the Kempty waterfalls to take a dip in the cool mnountian waters and experience some of the local flavor. We decided not to hit up the main swimming area and head a little ways off the beaten trail to a less populated pool of mountian water. We waded around, splashed, sang, giggled, were tickled by the extremes of hot sun and cold water. After a bit of playing most of the party decided to go back to the guest house to change and bojangle before dinner. Seth, Chris and I decided we hadnt had our full of the area and decided to go exploring some more. We romped around, jumping from rock to rock, climbing up slopes and being mindful of the surroundings. We found a most excellent secluded pool to take a dip in and did so. a private waterfall and pool to ourselves, we delighted in our holy place we had so wonderfully come upon. We sat beside the waters and each wrote a poem, this is what we wrote...

You who are wonderful
You who are beautiful
You who writes this
who reads this
who sees this
You are an avatar.
You are me
And I am You
And so on for eternity
and infinity.
And Oh! Brahman is all
In his encompassing grasp
In her gentle embrace
And you my friend are an
avatar of grace.
You who are Wise
You who are Pure
You who know that what I say
is true,
This poem is for you.
-Chris Kalman

It is good to get a break from the group.
The constant resonation of the waterfall...
We swim in the cool waters soaking our white bodies,
knowing all the while that our insides might not be cut out
for all of what the water might hold.
Yet we take the plunge anyway
letting the waters' grime
and the sun's fire essence turn our bodies brown.
-Seth Moessinger

Waterfall ashram
we sit beside you
and pray.
A couple of wiley bandaloops
watching becoming unfold
becoming unfold
becoming unfold.
Bliss.
Naked brother leaping
into holy bosom wetness,
waterfall caress.
Cousin rock we sit on
near sister bodhi
wet and comfortable and calm.
Affection. Thusness. Quixotic.
-Darrion Siler

The rest of the day was spent going to a temple of Durga and enjoying the chaotic tranquility of this place. I am indeed enamoured. Dhanyavad ji. Namaste ji.

Bliss Becoming

And so it begins. Anticipation, excitement, dread. I welcome them all and look to how i may describe their meaning, their place within my world. We leave for India! How might i explain what i have felt about this leaving, this needed departure. I am resolute- for some reason, maybe many; it seems dire and light-hearted all at once. I am reeling. I am ready to become intoxicated with Being-in-India, to drink both fire and elixir, experience both heaven and earth, become companion to every god. I am ready to be inspired. I am nervous even in writitng this... it is becoming real. I hope to wander, perhaps come upon celestial nymphs and sylvan beasts. I hope to speak with Giri, Puri, Bharati, Vana, Aranya, Parvata, Sagara, Tirtha, Ashrama, Saraswati. I want to become a whirling dervish, an ecstatic dancing warrior poet; embracing love and life, drinking from the fullness that surrounds. Intoxicate me, oh India, I am come to draught. I am ready for wiley Bandalooping across walking Himalaya, I am ready to get naked and immerse my body in the bosom of mother Ganges. I am ready to soak up the existential juices of whences and withers, ready-to-hand-every-thing-over. I am. Bliss becoming. Hare Krishna.

Darrion in India

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Silly Exercise?

Feirce Gazing

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Kedarnath

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Maya

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Mussoorie Madness

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Bliss Becoming